Dude, what's up with all this dap B-Rob has been getting lately? ESPN.com player of the week? A-10 player of the week? Don't get me wrong; B-Rob's a great player, but what about the Sand Man? I been straight ballin' out here lately. You think it's easy averaging 4.1 points a game and shooting 31% from the field. Yeah, didn't think so. Time to show all the haters out there that isn't just a one-man show. Time to show dem boys what A-Sand can do.
Alright, that didn't go exactly as planned. 0-3 from the field, 0-2 from three, 0 assists and 2 turnovers. But you're okay, Dres. Keep your head up and keep firing the rock.
You know who else has been gettin' a lotta pub lately? Marcus Johnson. Now, Marcus my homeboy fo' sho but how's he been gettin' all that love? It's cuz of his defense, that's right. I'll just play some lockdown D this half. Then those fools will have no choice but to give me the props I deserve.
Aww, what the hell man? Come on, ref, whachu talkin' 'bout? Just cuz I hit that dude on the arm right after he released the ball doesn't mean you gotta blow the whistle. Whachu mean that's a foul?
Oh no, ref! What the hell, dawg? I thought we were cool and you weren't gonna call that stuff no more. Wait, he gets three shots for that weak-ass, ticky-tack foul? You gots to be kidding me!
Okay, okay let's regroup here. Me taking over dis game hasn't gone exactly according to plan. 2-for-9 shooting and just four points. But that's okay. If I can just do something ... I got it! I'll drain the game winner. I'll be the hero and everyone'll remember me then.
Oh hells yes. 20 seconds left, tie game. It's Sando-time, just get me the rock ... Here we go, 3 seconds ... two ... step back ... one ... fadeaway three at the buzzer. Draino!!
[Ball clangs off of rim]
Shit. You think they'll at least write about all those three-point shooters I fouled?
*to one of my all-time favorite sports blogs Kissing Suzy Kolber.